As I was sitting in class today not listening to my teacher I started pondering all the things that happen that make me feel a bit awkward (I like to call them the kbye moments). I then decided that I should write a blog about it. Of course awkwardness is a never-ending cycle so this is just a short list of some instances that immediately come to mind… but it’s a good start.
1. when I’m in line at the water fountain so I can fill up my water bottle and no one gets in line behind me until I get up to the fountain… and the person behind me just wants a sip. So they then have to wait for me to greedily fill up my entire water bottle. This makes me feel rushed and I can hear their impatient thoughts as the water pressure changes and misses my water bottle and I have to adjust to the new height therefore extending the time it takes to fill it up. I often don’t fill my bottle up all the way to avoid a guilty conscience.
2. When the people in front of me are walking at a stupidly slow rate and I have to speed walk it around them so I can walk at my comfortable moderate pace (circa michael cera in the kbyeeee scene in Superbad.)
Speaking of Superbad….
I digress.
3. When I say something I think is funny and my audience of peers looks at me like I’m an idiot. The “no? anyone? ok.” moments if you will. ( I know you will.)
4. On the flip side of that note, it is also awkward when someone says something they think is funny and you don’t and you’re forced to decide whether to appease them or just stare. Or when someone you like (and are thus trying to impress) asks you if you know about something and you haven’t… but you feel like you’re far less cool if you haven’t heard of it. So you of course lead them to believe that you know about it, and they then ask you a question about it which forces you to try to come up with something based on what they have already said. By this point there is a strong likelihood that they have caught on to your lie and will try to expose you.
5. When you know there is enough money in your account to pay for what you are purchasing, but the card gets declined anyways. I feel obligated to tell the cashier that I have enough money and I don’t know why it’s not working… cause I know they are judging me, just like the people behind me in line are judging me. and passersby. THEY’RE ALL JUDGING ME!
6. Waving energetically at someone who either doesn’t notice you or is not the person you thought they were. This can go interchangeably with missed high fives, and raising your hand and everybody sees it except the teacher (you’ll eventually give up)… these all lead up to the shrug off where you either act as if you were doing something else with that hand (my favorite is smoothing out the hair) or chuckle uncomfortably to yourself (this may have an add on stray comment like “going to leave me hanging?” or “oh…thats not mike…I though it was…kbyeeee”).
7. Saying “you too” out of habit and realizing just as it’s leaving your mouth that it isn’t necessary… exA: after buying a ticket for a movie the cashier says “enjoy your movie” and you reply “you too” because you’re so used to the habitual “have a nice day”… damn it!
8. Coming back to earth from a good space out and realizing that you were staring at someone the entire time. The person noticed and is looking at you like you’re the biggest creep on Earth. which I am sometimes…
9. Walking and seeing someone you know but they’re kind of far away… you don’t want to make eye contact or start speaking too soon so you try to make it look like you haven’t noticed them yet and are very busy looking at everything but them. This is especially relevant for me since I hate small talk (because I’m really bad at it) and will go to extremes to avoid it (dunking behind a tree, rerouting so I don’t come into contact with them, or pretending something is SUPER interesting on my phone).
10. In class the teacher asks a question to prompt discussion and you answer it… and your answer is past wrong and everyone knows it and you are then forced to watch as the teacher attempts to find some rightness in your answer so you don’t look like a complete dumbass. There are of course the teachers that straight up say “WRONG” which I feel is a lot less awkward for everyone.
11. Singing loudly along with a song and someone changes the song abruptly and you are left with a 3 second long acappella solo and everyone’s stares. This also relates to talking loudly at events cause there is music playing and the song stops before you realize it and your conversation is made public knowledge… the conversation is usually an awkward one to top it all off and the sentence everyone hears is “the rash is really itchy”.
12. Stomach gurgling and/or growling loudly during an exam. In order to cover it you try to anticipate it coming and cough when it starts up or shift around loudly… its never loud enough… people can still hear your hunger… they know its you.
There are many,many more and I may come back to this list and add to it… but I think you guys get a general feel for how my life goes.
Thinking back on my past experiences with these moments still makes me cringe… which goes to show that moments are fleeting but awkwardness is forever.
KBYEEEEEEEEE
I laughed a lot reading these